Surprise Proposal Session in Middlebury, Indiana
It was an incredible honor to photograph this proposal that took place at West on Warren in May!
Y’all. Where do I start with this one?
David reached out to me in late April to let me know that a surprise would be happening for his girlfriend, Taya, in late May. The ultimate goal of the surprise? A beautiful proposal in front of her family and friends.
I’ve known Taya for about five years now through a previous job, and I had the pleasure of getting to know David and his family during another surprise photoshoot, an extended family session in November.
It was the first time I had met David during that shoot, but it was so evident how much he cared for Taya, and just how beautifully their families blended together.
And beyond all of that, just how cute is this couple?
So Taya and David had been high school sweethearts. As life took them different directions and carried them through different experiences, ultimately the universe lead them back to each other.
This time for good….
David was attempting to pull off a pretty big feat with this proposal. Taya is a bit of a sleuth when it comes to anything sneaky going on around her. So everyone involved had to be sworn to absolute secrecy to make this thing happen.
David kept me in the loop as plans progressed, and I had to play dumb when Taya reached out about ordering some portraits as a gift for David’s mom because they were taking her out to dinner for her birthday (wrong!) and she was thinking maybe that would be something nice to order her. Is it weird that I got a little choked up thinking “Oh, Taya….you’ve got good things coming your way…”
And when David and I chatted on the phone on his way home from work the day before the proposal, I couldn’t help but to get goosebumps as he walked through the plan one more time and shared just how excited he was about proposing. These two….so adorable.
I arrived at West on Warren in Middlebury about a half hour prior to Taya, David and crew to check in with the staff to make sure all was ready and get into position. I needed to be out of sight when they arrived, because…well a camera around my neck and just happing to be in the same place at the same time as them probably wouldn’t make for a great addition to the surprise. I headed up to the top deck of the patio and waited for them to be seated below.
Just hanging out on the rooftop,
ready to signal the musician that it
was time…
Also it should be noted that I was
ill-prepared and should have
worn my usual 50SPF…but it was worth it.
Then the cast and crew of the production arrived. And arrived. And arrived some more. And all of them had to quietly sneak into the restaurant courtyard undetected by Taya. So I gave a little whistle to the hostess below to signal her to casually close the courtyard gate so the crowd could pass by without being spotted.
The musician was qued and he began to play their song, Wonderful Tonight. David pulled out a blindfold and placed it over Taya’s eyes and her friends and family quietly but excitedly got into position.
The blindfold was removed, and Taya saw before her a sea of friends and family. She got a little misty eyed and announced “My birthday was awhile ago!”
David pulled her just far enough away from the crowd to quietly say what I’m sure were adorably sweet things about her and their relationship before calling forward their children to have them be apart of the moment. Each child placed their hand in the pile with the top hand holding the ring box. And from there, David dropped to a knee and popped the question.
And as she said “yes!” a crowd of cheers went up from loved ones and restaurant patrons and staff alike!
I had chills!
A particularly cool moment that took place as they celebrated was everyone gathering around them and praying over them. I ran upstairs to be able to catch an overhead view of this moment and you could genuinely feel the good energy and support surrounding this couple.
I stole David and Taya away for a brief moment to capture a few shots of the Future Mr. & Mrs. on this beautiful evening. These two are so much fun to be around and I could not be happier for them!
In a much less quiet and organized fashion than they entered, the entire party then joined us for a few group images, cheers, and laughs.
David, I can’t thank you enough for trusting me to be a small part of such a big day for you and Taya! I am beyond happy for the two of you and your wonderful families and wish you nothing but love and happiness for the rest of your days!
Baby Sullivan’s Newborn Portrait Session in Elkhart, Indiana
Newborn Lifestyle Photo Session in Elkhart, Indiana welcoming baby girl Sullivan!
New parents Brian and April welcomed an early arrival of their baby girl this May!
Ten tiny fingers, and ten tiny toes. And two new parents, figuring out how it all goes. When Sullivan decided to make her grand entrance a little bit earlier than anticipated, I was more than happy to move up our scheduled newborn lifestyle shoot to catch all of that new baby goodness. Newborn photos within the first 14 days tend to give us the best odds of a sleepy baby who willingly goes along with all the fuss of a photoshoot, and Sullivan was eight pounds of sleepy bliss.
I arrived at Brian and April’s house and sent a quick text to let them know I was outside. I didn’t want to take any risks of waking anybody up, because I’ve been there! There’s always something so peaceful about walking into a home of a newborn baby. A quiet softness that perhaps I don’t quite have the words for. And that doesn’t mean the home is necessarily devoid of noise. Even if a TV is on or an older sibling or pet is playing, there’s still just a lingering softness in the air. I quietly took off my shoes and prepped my camera as my eyes caught the sight of baby gifts that had recently arrived to congratulate the new family of three and all the comforts of boppies and baby blankets on the living room couch. The zone that all of us mother’s know becomes baby central.
Sullivan was cozily sleeping on her lounger as I set up shop and prepped mom and dad (and grandpas) for the flow of the shoot. “Baby is in charge, so if she needs to be fed or changed or comforted, then that’s our priority.” And we were off, snapping away to capture all of the tiny details that we could!
With Sullivan still blissfully unaware of my heart bursting over how precious she is, we headed to the nursery. I always love seeing the special touches added to every baby’s nursery. It’s such a special place as you know their parents spent quiet time in that room, imagining what life would be like once they brought home a little one and started putting to use a closet full of pink clothes and baby lotions.
April was next for her spotlight moment. And this mama is glowing. There were moments that, out of the corner of my eye while taking those first images of Sullivan, I could see April quietly admiring her little girl as I clicked away. Eyes filled with pride and awe, soaking in the moment and those little internal thoughts of “I can’t believe I’m your mom.” It always makes me want to turn my camera onto mama to capture that, but I never want to interrupt those emotions. But April, you are such a beautiful new mama and I’m just so happy for you!
Now of course we can’t just make it all about mama. Dad gets a little credit here too. And, Sullivan, just so it doesn’t come as a surprise, anyone that plans to take you out in the future best come prepared with a strong sense of humor and quick wit because your dad is going to be prepared with a lot of material.
Dad is a character! As I chatted with the family while taking photos, we were discussing our backgrounds and hometowns since we were all transplants to the Michiana area for various reasons. I happen to be from a very small town, not often recognized by anyone who asks for the name and location. So I was very surprised when Brian casually started listing off other small towns surrounding my hometown. My head shot up pretty quickly, only to realize he was doing a deep dive on Google on his phone. I’m pretty sure if the session had lasted too much longer that day he would’ve had the town history memorized and possibly my family tree figured out.
An extra special component of this session was having both the maternal and paternal grandfathers of Sullivan present for pictures! And that includes the first time her paternal grandfather was able to hold her! It was very easy to see where Brian got his character from because Grandpa was keeping me on my toes too. Both of these grandfathers very clearly adore this baby girl, and it was an honor to be able to document them as apart of Sullivan’s newborn gallery. A special touch we were able to add were having photos of each grandfather holding their own baby to display as they now hold their baby’s baby.
Sullivan Rian, you are clearly in good hands and so loved by your mom and dad (and grandpas too)! It was such a sweet day capturing such a doll. Wishing all the best to these new parents as they navigate the beautiful world of parenting this angel.
Saying goodbye to our first home.
Reflections on selling our first house, and thanking the place we called home.
As I posted on social media recently, our personal lives were extremely busy this past week as we finished a chapter of our family story and prepare to write the next one (content unknown).
We sold, packed up, and said goodbye to our first home together.
We had been considering selling our home for a bit as we realized how quickly our little boy was growing up. We know he’s just shy of only being two, but “they grow up fast,” is perhaps the greatest understatement of all time. Kyle’s parents had been teachers in the school system that he grew up in, and he really has his heart set on his son having the same great educational experience in that school system that his family is so connected to.
The market is a bit….busy right now, well known to all who are currently buying, selling, or renting. But we were unprepared for just how busy it is. Houses are listing and selling in 24 to 48 hours, most not accepting contingencies. With the fortune of having a small lake cottage we could utilize for the time being, we felt it was in our best interest to go ahead and sell our home so that when the right house comes up we can be as ready as possible to make it ours.
Now being on the flip side of the coin and having walked out the door of our home for the very last time, I’m spending some time processing and reflecting on what that home meant to us. And that’s what I felt called to share with you all.
Our home.
Our home had bookshelves. Built in bookshelves that housed Kyle’s grandfather’s abundant collection of sci-fi novels. It held yearbooks of our highschool days, histories of who we were before ever crossing paths. It shelved photo albums and picture frames of loved ones past and present. Scents of candles and old encyclopedias collided together like their own fragrance worth bottling. It was where we kept our collection of parenting and baby development books that eventually turned into rows of Llama Llama and Dr. Seuss. Those bookshelves saw days of being filled to the brim and days of keeping that bottom row empty as little hands learned to reach and little legs learned to stand.
Our home had warmth. Beautiful, quiet mornings of sunlight drifting across hardwood floors. The perfect napping spot for beloved dogs. Coffee and creamer in warm mugs. Cozy blankets draped across a well loved couch, with, somehow, just enough space for everyone. Fireplaces glowing on the coldest of winter nights. Ovens preheating for homemade pizza night.
Our home had safety. It was shelter on difficult days. It was a refuge from workdays that were tolling and a pandemic that was exhausting. It was a safe space when big feelings needed to be expressed or heartbreaking news felt like too much for our hearts. Our home had dogs barking at any questionable noise (or vibration for our deaf pup). Our home was where we could lock out a tough day or heavy world and embrace the security of a loving partner with protective hearts.
Our home was quiet. With tiptoes and whispers to not wake the baby.
And our home was loud with new toys and constant music and impromptu dance parties. It was intense games of puppy tug of war and 2am nursings to soft lullabies.
It was a paradox of hushed and rowdy at any given time.
Our home saw beginnings and ends. It saw milestones and life changes. It saw a dating couple figuring out life together. It saw an engaged couple planning a wedding. It saw newlyweds writing out thank you cards just weeks before finding out they would become parents. It saw pregnancy. It saw growth and development and tears and celebration. It saw a newborn baby join our family. It saw a beloved pet cross the bridge. It saw fights and apologies but always love. It saw friends and family gather in celebrations and camaraderie. It saw house projects take years.
And it saw years take seconds.
Thank you to our first home for hosting such an incredible time in our lives. It’s hard to believe how much has changed since first moving into that home in 2015.
The final item that we removed from that house was a sign that held the bottle of wine we drank to celebrate when we first moved in. That sign read “It feels good to be home.” And there is no better way to describe that house.
To the family writing the next chapter inside of their new home, we hope you enjoy everything those walls have to offer. We hope that quiet Sunday mornings in beautiful sunshine soaked rooms become your favorite day of the week. We hope the sound of little feet running down the hallway is your favorite soundtrack. We hope movie nights and pizza nights always feel special. We hope cocktails treat you well on warm patio nights.
We hope it feels good to be home.
Clements Family Session in South Bend, Indiana
Family Portrait Session in South Bend, Indiana
Ashley and Jordan celebrated their 2 year wedding anniversary in late January, as their little girl, Kennedy, turned 6 months old. It seemed like the perfect time to grab some family portraits during this special time. Having been married at The Brick in South Bend, she was hoping to update a photo they had taken on their wedding night, but this time with the addition of their baby girl. I’m all for the nostalgia and sweet sentiments, so it sounded perfect to me! We set an early February date and I was ready to capture this cute family.
And then the weather predictions started to roll out as the date approached and they all said the same thing: PREPARE FOR BITTER COLD! LOWS BELOW 0!
Obviously we weren’t ready to subject Kennedy to those temperatures, let alone ourselves! So we rescheduled. And we still had a cold day! But we made it through with blankets and snuggles and a bottle break for some sweet images of this family of three!
Their wedding album featured a gorgeous black and white photo of Ashley and Jordan sharing a kiss below this bridge on a snowy night. Two years later, Kennedy brings even more love to this location!
We grabbed a few more of the family and some moments with both mom and dad before we decided to try another location!
We headed over to the beautifully updated Howard Park in South Bend to take a few more photos before we lost our sunlight. Kennedy was doing her best to rock it out for mom and dad even as her adorable little nose started to get a little pink.
With the temperatures dropping again we decided to call it a night and reconvene for a few more shots on a warmer day.
And man did that little doll baby grow and change when we met back up for a mini shoot at Cobus Creek in May!
We all know our babies grow in the blink of an eye, but grabbing more images of Kennedy just a few months apart really documented how crazy fast that growth is!
Thank you, Clements family, for pushing through the cold day and rejoining me on a warm day for a beautiful family portrait session. You two are terrific parents and sure made a cute kid!
A word or two on motherhood - Part 3
A year in and the lessons I’m learning
I hadn’t planned on making this blog post a 3 part series, but I realized I couldn’t fit all of my thoughts and reflections (and ramblings) into a single blog post. So if you’ve stuck around this long, thanks for hanging in there and I promise Part 3 is the wrap up!
Motherhood is wild.
I mean, we have all heard the plethora of cliche sayings of days being long but years short and don’t blink and you’ll miss every day prior but look forward to every day ahead. And they’re all absolutely true. But motherhood is so much deeper and broader and … indescribable than all of those sayings strung together.
Motherhood is scary and heavy. It’s a little one’s life and well being and safety and health and development in your hands. It’s waking up every day knowing you’re making decisions for two. It’s finding a new balance of taking care of yourself while taking care of someone else. It’s learning a new identity, holding on to who you are and have been as a woman and daughter and partner and friend, while adding this immense new title to your existence. It’s having to adapt and learn your new body, which is very strange. There’s a lot of struggle in attempting to embrace and remember stretch marks are “badges of honor” and it’s emotional trying to take off baby weight. There are many times I feel like a stranger in the mirror, but it’s me. It’s the old me and the new me still getting to know each other a year and a half later.
But motherhood is finding out how strong and capable and brave you are in ways you never knew. If you asked anyone who has been in my life for any amount of time over the past 33 years to describe me, I can guarantee you “high pain tolerance,” or “physically strong” would not be statements tossed around. I mean, I once got a bruise from a gummy bear that had been tossed to me. Not a whole lot of tough blood cycling through this body. Regardless, though, I was able to bring a baby into this world. When push came to shove (and yes I mean that literally 100%), I had it in me. And over a year later on days where I feel worn out and exhausted physically and mentally, I find it in me to get out of bed and go pick up that little blonde, blue eyed toddler and pour my heart into giving him a great day. I make decisions with motherly intuition and do my damndest to give this guy all he deserves.
Motherhood is a million contradictions. It’s hard and easy. It’s fast and slow. It’s exhausting and invigorating. It’s draining and fulfilling.
It’s indescribable but able to fill three blog posts….
I have now fully entered into being the mom of a toddler boy and every day is new and confusing and wonderful. His personality shines through in the way he dances to any music he hears. I laugh at his inquisitive nature when he taps his little finger to his chin and says “hmmm…” when he’s looking for something. He’s got his momma’s sweet tooth, his eyes lighting up when given a bite of ice cream.
He’s also testing boundaries and limits and has big feelings all day long. It’s a lot and tiring and there are definitely moments where I want to just sit for ten minutes without anyone tugging on my pants or digging their yogurt covered hands into my hair. But when I do get those ten minutes to be solo, I can’t help but wonder what he’s up to and am eager to scoop him up in my arms and kiss his little cheeks.
Parenting in a pandemic has been weird.
Being a first timer mom in and of itself is a challenge. A huge learning curve and a lot of Googling. But being a first time parent during a pandemic has created a maze of its own. I worry about his social development as we have been so careful and locked down. I get sad thinking about special occasions and bonding with grandparents that he missed out on. I double check development charts to make sure we’re hitting milestones. I unload a million questions at his wellness checks and seek validation from his pediatrician. My heart does ache for experiences I had always imagined and longed for with our first child that just weren’t possible in these strange times. I have to remind myself that so many of those experiences are selfishly for myself and my husband’s enjoyment as parents and not monumental life changing moments for a little one at his age.
I’ve learned, however, that I have been blessed in so many ways to be able to be with our little guy and witness the big and little moments and to soak in every new thing he is discovering. I have been here to watch him grow and change at a rapid pace in his first year and a half. Not everyone gets to slow down and embrace this time. And that’s something I never want to take for granted. Being a stay at home mom was never really in my plans, and it is so much harder than anything else I’ve ever done. But it is one of the greatest things I’ve ever experienced and I am so grateful for this time.
Becoming a mother changes your relationship with other mothers.
Including your own. I don’t know that I would say I ever took my mom for granted as I got older. She’s a bit of a saint in my eyes and I feel like my relationship with her only gets stronger. But I certainly have had my eyes opened to just how truly amazing she is. I’m the youngest of four. On the days where I feel completely run over just raising one, it’s hard for me to fathom how she had the energy and sanity to raise four. But she did it. I turn to her often for advice and reassurance and to celebrate. Watching my parents as grandparents to my own little one is such a treasure. Like a glimpse back in time of how they were with us (perhaps with the addition of a few more donuts and other sugary treats).
I also now have a greater love and respect for my friends and family who became mothers before me, soaking in their lessons learned and observing their skills in a subtle manner.
And it makes me so excited for those that are about to enter motherhood. I know they have tough days ahead but they are about to embark on an incredible journey. Their worlds are about to change in the hardest but most wonderful way.
So here’s to the mothers.
To the mothers with years of experience and grown babies and grandbabies.
To the mothers who are in the throws of teenage angst and emotions.
To the mothers who are chasing toddlers down grocery store aisles and deciding whether or not to abandon their carts.
To mothers who are just getting started and feeling like the only ones awake in the middle of the night, cradling their precious babe.
To the mothers nervously awaiting delivery day, not knowing what to expect or if they will be able to handle the pain.
To the mothers who have just found out they have a little one on the way and are experiencing every single emotion every single minute.
To the mothers who have loved and lost and long for their angels.
To those who ache for the day they have a little one of their own.
Mothers are making this world go round. Mothers are shaping future leaders and world changers. Mothers are making things happen. Mothers are strong and brave and beautiful.
Here’s to mothers.
Happy Mother’s Day!
A word or two on motherhood - Part 2
Those first few months
I did not have a quick or easy delivery. My husband used to own a thumb ring that he wore forever. He can no longer wear that thumb ring. Because I squeezed his hand so hard that I smashed it. Sorry, babe. I’ll spare you the delivery details unless you’d like to grab a drink and discuss a play by play. It’s weird how once you have a baby you become all in for birthing stories…
Through a series of events and effort over the course of a few days, though, we had our son in our arms. It’s taken me a long time to kind of process through those days in the hospital. It was what I expected in some ways and also not at all what I expected wrapped into what will forever be our story and journey to becoming a family.
And my story to becoming a mother.
We were definitely the family that cried on the (three minute) drive home from the hospital. Such a strange mix of emotions. We were ready to be in the comfort of our own home, but terrified of leaving the nurses who checked in on us before even starting their shifts or brought us fudge from their staff stash. In the glow of a string of white Christmas lights that we had hung in our room, it was their constant, quiet presence that gave us reassurance that we were going to figure this all out.
Their names are forever imprinted on my heart.
The first four weeks are the hardest.
Since becoming a mom, I have tried really hard not to impose my journey and experience onto expecting women because everyone has such a different story to live. I never want to dictate their expectations or experiences. But there is one thing I have felt sure enough to share, and that is that the first four weeks are the hardest. The first four weeks are just about surviving.
I remember calling my mom one day in tears insisting that I had no idea what I was doing. I’ll always be able to hear the heartache in her voice, being three hours away, reassuring me that I could do this and that it gets better. I had been around babies for as long as I can remember, coming from a large extended family. So I had this false confidence that I knew quite a bit going into this process. But you don’t know what you don’t know until you’re finding out that you don’t know it. And there were so many things I was finding out I didn’t know. Parenting is learning as you go from sun up to sun down to sun up again.
I was struggling with nursing with delayed milk so our son was cluster feeding. It felt like all I did was nurse him nonstop but he never seemed satisfied. Something that I had assumed would just sort of naturally happen was so difficult. The fear was creeping in and the lack of sleep was catching up. I spent many late nights sobbing in the shower. If you’re struggling with nursing, reach out to an IBCLC (lactation consultant). One of the pieces of the puzzles that luckily fell into place for me was having a friend who happened to be a professional sit down with me and gently guide me along on options that would keep our baby fed and me less panicky.
Those first four weeks are tough. We all cried. A lot.
Beyond all the obvious reasons to cry (no sleep, physically recovering, nursing struggles, an entire life changing), my anxiety was weighing me down more than ever. Which leads to another piece of the puzzle that I needed to figure out to find my solid ground. I was dealing with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety.
Postpartum Depression is real and in no way dictates your ability as a mother.
If you have experienced PPD/A, let me shout the above sentence to you from a rooftop and wrap you up in a reassuring hug.
My husband helped me to recognize the symptoms that lead us to believe that I might be experiencing PPD/A. We lost our boxer a month into parenthood and the grieving of this loss hit me so hard. I didn’t know what to do with such a wide range of emotions all day long. I would stare at my baby and be blown away by the love I felt for him and for his father. But I would struggle with nursing or getting up throughout the night and feel myself sinking. But then I would smell his sweet little head as I rocked him to sleep and my cup would overflow. I would then see the empty spot next to the rocker that our sweet pup used to occupy and I would crash back down again.
The day I officially knew I was dealing with PPD/A was the day of my six week follow up appointment. I had made a quick trip to the office to introduce my son to co-workers. I was heading to my follow up appointment after that visit when a train rolled through town. I had no idea how to get around the blocked tracks and I started panicking. I realized there was no reason to panic. I wasn’t running late. I wasn’t in danger. But in my head, this moment was too much and I was terrified my baby would wake up crying and I would be stuck. My mind was spinning and my heart started racing. I didn’t feel like I had control of anything.
I didn’t feel like me.
So I talked to my doctor that day. Putting a name to why my struggles and emotions felt so immense was like opening a window and getting fresh air for the first time in six weeks. It was a conversation I needed to have that brought me answers and options to help me cope and start getting back to me.
Please, if you are struggling do not hesitate to reach out to someone, including your healthcare providers. Motherhood is intense in so many amazing but challenging ways. Taking care of your own health opens you up to being the best mother you can possibly be. There is no shame in seeking help.
Motherhood isn’t meant to be a lone journey. Let’s do this together.
We survived the first four weeks.
And things just kept getting better. Our boy. Our sweet baby boy. We were getting to know him and he was getting to know us. I guess we were getting to know us too.
Every single day I looked at that baby and my jaw dropped. We brought to life this tiny (well…maybe not tiny) person.
We were parents. I was a mom. This was my baby.
Rocking that boy and listening to his sweet, soft breaths became the very best part of my day. “Don’t hold the baby while they’re sleeping,” was always common instruction, but that was a hard pass for me. That boy had spent nine months growing inside of me and I had no intention of not soaking up every single minute that I could now that he was in our world.
My boy.
A word or two on motherhood - Part 1
Pregnancy
With Mother’s Day approaching I feel called to sit down and put some thought into my adventures in motherhood thus far. Opening a fresh blog page, I thought it would come pretty easily. I figured my little bleeding heart would just pour out onto the page and I would reminisce on sweet baby toes and toddler hugs and so many fantastic things. Because those things all fill a substantial part of my heart and mind and are very much a major part of motherhood. The highest of highs.
But I’m also tired. My eyes are darting to a half full coffee pot from this morning wondering if 6pm is too late for me to fill another cup that will inevitably sit until it’s cold, or at least until after bedtime. And after bedtime I get to decide between the household tasks I couldn’t complete during the day, working on my business, or sitting and enjoying time with my husband.
Or an early bedtime myself.
I’m that kind of tired. But I want to get at least part of this out of my head and onto (virtual) paper.
Motherhood was always in my heart.
I knew from a very early age that I wanted kids. There was always a space in my heart ready for that chapter and a knowing that there would be a piece of me unfulfilled without that role in life. I always pictured myself being a wife and a mother above all else. It was more important to me than a career or a wealth status. As I headed into my early twenties and beyond with no significant relationship worth writing home about, I watched girlfriends tie the knot and begin (and add) to their families. I sat quietly at get togethers as they bonded over their experiences, whether good or bad. They shared their birth stories and what their little one had destroyed most recently and laughed together. They all seemed to be cloaked in this invisible armor that united them as a force to be reckoned with: mothers. It all felt like this special club that I lingered outside of, always in the midst of the discussions, nodding along wondering when it would be my turn.
Not marrying until I was 30, I did sense that slight pressure cooker feeling inside of me….the “better get it done before you won’t be able to anymore” kind of sentiment that most women interested in having children have felt as they age. My husband was all set to wait a few years into marriage before heading into parenthood. But life had other plans for us. Turns out we would be welcoming our first child before celebrating our first anniversary.
I was unprepared for the loneliness of the first trimester.
I feel like that’s a weighty sentence to kick off with. So I’ll add an unnecessary note here that I am extremely grateful for the healthy pregnancy I was blessed with and the blessing that is our son.
As deemed most acceptable by society, we kept the news to ourselves at the beginning. We found out we were expecting when I was six weeks along. I tend to be an anxious person. I make a lot of lists in my head, carry out full conversations just to be prepared with things I might say in any given scenario, and I Google a lot of things throughout any 24 hour time period. Pregnancy amplified this. I didn’t know that I would begin sobbing uncontrollably when the test read pregnant (all six times). I wasn’t ready to be filled with fear instead of the euphoria and excitement I had imagined when the day came. This is what I had always wanted, but there I was absolutely terrified. And even as the excitement and realization of what was to come began to grow, the whole sentiment of being quiet and secretive about this incredible chapter we were beginning to write was so hard. The feeling of needing to hide things just in case rather than lean on a support system was something I had never really reflected on in relation to pregnancy. I knew I had my husband, the most incredible person I know with a heart of gold, there beside me to ride this all out with, but there just wasn’t any way he could possibly understand the confusion and fear and constant worry I felt carrying this helpless baby. I mean every decision I made throughout the day suddenly felt very big. The first trimester was incredibly lonely for that reason. I’m incredibly grateful that I did end up reaching out to a few individuals I confided in and leaned on during that time. And I hope every woman has that option of support and relief if they choose to not share their pregnancy news initially. No woman can do this alone!
There was a lot of dry heaving. And crying.
And I’m no longer talking solely about that first trimester. Because it lasted clear into the third trimester. It was all day nausea with bouts of dry heaving. Great that I wasn’t actually getting sick for the most part, but super embarrassing to just walk down a public hallway dry heaving. Makes you feel like a real lady. My only food interest for a good while was “cup foods". My loving husband stocked up a drawer in the fridge for me of jell-o cups, fruit cups, pudding cups, and any other food he could find in cup form. Later I transitioned to an uncontrollable need for french toast and tangerines.
And I cried a lot over everything. Sometimes I cried because I didn’t know why I was crying. Other times I cried because I was tired. Or there was a commercial about back to school shopping. There was a time I cried because I thought it was so nice that people reported accidents and police traffic surveillance to Google maps and it just felt like such a wonderful piece of humanity. And my most sincerest apologies to the Burger King drive-through staff member that had to listen to me sob when they said I was too late to order french toast sticks.
But believe me, there is magic in pregnancy.
As my bump grew and our appointments continued, I really was in awe of this incredible thing that my body instinctively knew how to do. My mind may have been all over the place with questions and worries, but my body knew.
I was growing a baby. I was becoming a mother.
And I never got tired of feeling those kicks and rolls and stretches. It blew my mind every time I would see a little elbow or knee roll across my belly or feel a series of hiccups start up. I cherish the videos I captured of that movement and it still leaves me mesmerized thinking about how incredible the entire process is. I used every app out there to track baby development and looked at all the charts of size comparison and imagined what this little one was going to look like and be like. The dry heaving and insomnia and other less flattering attributes of pregnancy were nothing in comparison to the growing joy and love in my heart.
It’s an incredible bond that builds for nine months. For 40 weeks it was baby and I, 24/7. I so often would rest my hand on that bump and just be in the moment. Or I would sit in the rocker in the nursery and talk to baby about my hopes for him, about how wonderful his dad is and all the things he will learn from him, and about all the people that were ready to love him. On my commutes to and from work I sang “Rainbow Connection” and “Stay Awake,” wondering if he really would recognize those melodies once in our arms. There were many 5am wakeups when he was dancing in my belly, unaware of how much I treasured my sleep. But those were some of the first nights where I sat awake, feeling like the only person awake in the world, just me and my baby.
I now get a little starry eyed when I see expecting mothers and hold myself back from running up to them to congratulate them or tell them that they are so strong and amazing or ask them a million questions about their pregnancy journey. I am rooting for every single one of them. Women and womanhood are amazing. So amazing.
And I remained awestruck in the beauty and magic of our own pregnancy straight through our due date. And with zero signs that babe was on the way, we set our induction date…
The Yoder Extended Family Session in Plymouth, Indiana
It was cold and windy, but the sun was shining and laughter was flowing for this extended family session!
I have my fingers crossed that 2021 is the year that we all begin to safely reunite with loved ones and gather back together for holidays and memories. And I have them double crossed that I get to be the photographer to capture it all!
Ben reached out to plan an extended family session for the Yoder’s on a weekend that his (gorgeous) sister and her (gorgeous) family would be in town to visit their parents. It had been awhile since they had last updated their family photos and it seemed like a great opportunity to do so as an early Mother’s Day and Father’s Day gift prior to them moving to a new home.
This sweet family had the gorgeous backdrop of a sunny field just beyond their backyard. Luckily, Miss Harper was ready to roll and fully prepared to scope out the backyard with me. Even luckier, she gave me a heads up that we should not wander over to the small patch of woods and filled me in on what type of mountain lions might be in there, and pointed out the edible chives around the yard. Always a smart idea to have an expert on the scene for your shoot!
Local wildlife and edible plant expert, Harper.
This sunny but windy day had me sticking to our usual routine of trying to get as many of the portraits with the kids in them taken first. Harper and Brooks looked so adorable even through cold wind gusts! Harper has such an easy smile and was so full of energy that she made my job easy, but Brooks was ready to make me work for it. Fortunately I was able to tag in mom and Uncle Ben for some tickle-and-run assistance to get some smiles going for this adorable little guy!
Run in. Tickle. Run out. Sort of a rinse and repeat process for those giggles!
Grandma and Grandpa Yoder, Ruth and Harold, also had to be troopers in the cold wind! But luckily I made it at least worthwhile for Ruth, giving Harold prompts to tell her how wonderful she is. Ruth was giggling like a school girl in some of these images as she told Harold she wanted to hear “more nice things!” he had to say about her.
But, as we learned in elementary school, it’s important to take turns. So I made sure Ruth got a chance to say nice things about Harold, too. These two will be newlyweds going on 52 years this July, and just are as sweet as can be.
And then I turned around to see this moment of absolute adorableness happening on the grass!
I do want to take a moment in this blog to give a big shout out to Ben. I met Ben through Ball State University, and if you’re familiar with the Harvard of the Midwest you may already know Ben yourself! Ben is a really active alum and leader for BSU and is great to work with. He’s also an educator, advocate, inspiration, and an incredibly kind human. It was an honor to take his picture!
Next up in this session was Ben’s sister, Maria, and her husband and children. Honestly, a completely gorgeous family. How are they not in magazines? I shared a few images of Nathan and Brooks on my Instagram and Facebook pages, but I have to highlight them again. As we walked to the backyard to do a few of their family photos, I heard Nathan ask Brooks “Should we scare mom?” and I didn’t think too much of it. And then this happened. And it was amazing! Brooks was all giggles and I have never seen a dad do such solid tosses. Kudos to these two, and I promise everyone was always safe throughout this entire session.
Now for some mama lovin…because these babies absolutely love their mama!
Thank you, Yoder family, for letting me spend a beautiful evening with you all! A beautiful family always reminds me why I set off on this photography adventure.
Planning to gather the whole family together as the weather warms?
Let me know if you would like to capture the occasion with an Extended Family Portrait Session!